What is Confidence? Define, Build it and Succeed Ask yourself the question "What is confidence?" and a number of diverse answers may spring to mind. As you consider the meaning of the word you'll find it associated with feelings, beliefs and physical action.
Here are some of the ways people describe what confidence means for them:
- A belief in yourself and in your abilities
- A feeling of empowerment and of being in control
- An energy that enables you to manifest your ideas and do what you want
- Ease in being yourself
- Inner security and trust in the world
- A basic feeling of 'I'm ok' - good enough to be deserving, attractive enough to appeal to others
Connected as it is to the emotions, the mind and the body, confidence has a far-reaching effect on how we feel and experience life. Not only does it oil the wheels of everyday living, it can enable us to realise our full potential and set us free.
Whether you wish to parachute jump, ask for a date or pass an exam, confidence makes your goal more possible to achieve. When you feel ok about yourself and believe in your ability to succeed, an unclimbable mountain becomes an interesting challenge. When you develop super-confidence you can MOVE mountains.
But what is confidence for you?
Perhaps you see in your mind's eye, someone with a radiance and poise that draws others to them like moths to a flame. Maybe you recall a person with a strong sense of inner security who stood their ground with dignity against a bully, OR it might be the power and self assurance of successful people that is attractive to you.
Why not spend a little more time contemplating 'What is confidence for me?'. You want to build self confidence and it's important to get a clear mental image of what that means for you. A fuzzy picture gets fuzzy results. Focussing your mind on what you want brings all your energies in line with your goal.
Once you have your own detailed definition of what confidence is for you, write it down and keep it handy. It will come in useful later on.
Now let's look at what confidence is not
Some people worry that becoming confident will somehow make them less likeable. Let me dispel this notion immediately. We are not talking here of arrogance or conceit which have their root in the ego. You will NOT become aggressive or self-centred.
By developing a healthy self-belief, the fear, nerves or low esteem which may be holding you back can be overcome. Your natural, true self can then shine as it was meant to do.
Asking 'What is confidence?' and 'What does it mean for me?' starts you thinking about what you want. This will make setting your goals easier when you come to that. For the next step go to Self Help. This is where you get to explore your tool box and discover the awesome power of the mind.
Self Confidence Skills, What They Are and How to Strengthen Them Improving your self confidence skills will positively affect every area of your life. Focus on these five main skills and learn how to transform your relationships and everything you do.
Communicate with Confidence
If you are lacking in this self confidence skill, you probably know the difficulty of expressing yourself as you wish, asking for what you need, or asserting yourself when necessary. You may choose your words carefully but still your message isn't getting across or you fail to get the response you want. So what goes wrong?
Communication is not just about what we say, or even how we say it. Research shows body language contributes 55% of what we communicate, tone of voice 38% and what we say, only 7%. So how you appear and the signals you give off are the most important part of your message and often determine the outcome of your communication.
Of all the self confidence skills, this ranks amongst the highest since communication is the very stuff of life. Here are some tips to help you communicate more effectively:
- Cultivate the habit of standing tall with shoulders back
- Don't speak too fast. Slowing down your speech can make your listener more attentive
- Don't cross your arms like a washer-woman. Everyone recognises this as a defensive gesture and sign of feeling vulnerable
- Don't fidget. Conserve your energy so that what you have to say has more impact
- Soft eye-to-eye contact is respectful and shows you have nothing to hide or to fear
- Think positively about yourself and the situation to appear more confident
Click on this link to read more about body language, and how to communicate with confidence at work and in relationships.
Perform Your Best
One of the most important self confidence skills is being able to perform to the best of your ability, unhampered by nerves, self doubt or low esteem. There is nothing so frustrating as knowing you can do something well, but when it matters most, you don't.
Even professionals commonly experience performance anxiety or 'stage fright', but for most of us, it is the everyday challenges that we would like to get to grips with. Whether you are a student sitting an exam, a golfer wanting to improve your handicap, a speaker at a meeting or an artiste performing on stage, you can boost your performing power in the following ways:
- Visualise performing well with a successful outcome
- Prepare, practise or rehearse beforehand
- Take steps to be as relaxed as possible in the run-up
- Take exercise (aerobic is best) just before the event
- Once in action, keep focussed
- Remember to breathe
- Afterwards, acknowledge what you did well and learn from what could have been better
Read more about performing your best and creating a win-win situation.
Be Motivated
Motivation is the desire and energy to do what you want, the drive to reach a goal and succeed. It gets you from A to B basically, and is an important self confidence skill. Since it is a driving force which extends from you out into the world, you can help motivate yourself by projecting your energy outwards in the form of activity.
Physical exercise is one way of doing this. As well as a healthy stirring up of the corpuscles, you are likely to experience a range of feelings that motivate. While the extra oxygen is coursing through your body and brain, inspiration can come, together with the energy to do and achieve. Enthusiasm is born!
Many people say they are too tired for a game of tennis or a jog round the block but the truth is, the more exercise you do, the more energy you have and the better you feel. Activity puts you in touch with your physical power which can then be expressed by working towards your goals.
Add motivation to your self confidence skills and all else will flow. Learn more ....
Be at Ease with Yourself
What does it take to feel comfortable just being yourself? Striving for perfection, having unrealistic expectations of yourself and worrying about what others think of you only leads to chronic discontent and unhappiness. In contrast, self acceptance helps you to relax into who you are. When you do this, you gain the natural beauty and poise of the genuine person - male or female.
Every single one of us has our good points and our less good points. So, instead of being self-critical, acknowledge the positives and do what you can to improve the rest. The understanding that this is enough, that you are already good enough, is the foundation of self acceptance.
Being at ease with yourself could be described as an art as well as one of the essential self confidence skills. It is a state of being which is fundamental to all you aspire to. It cannot be got around. You'll find an abundance of help in the Techniques section to help you develop this quality, so son't miss that bit out.
Manage Fear and Anxiety
Whenever there is lack of confidence there is usually a component of fear or anxiety. It is not realistic to expect these unpleasant effects to be banished for all time. Fear is designed to keep us out of danger and anxiety can still be experienced by the most confident person occasionally. However...
As your self confidence skills develop these sensations will lessen and you will be able to manage them when they occur. Meanwhile here are some things you can do to induce calm and relaxation:
- Stretch luxuriously several times a day
- Breathe more deeply
- In bed, before sleep, systematically relax each part of the body
- Take regular exercise
- Reduce coffee intake or use decaffeinated
- Be affectionate to someone or your pet
- Drink plenty of water throughout the day
- Milky drinks give a calcium boost which is calming
These five self confidence skills form the basis for successful living. They will help you attain any goal and maximise your satisfaction in life. Start making a difference right now by putting the tips into practice. Want to learn more? Prefer to learn offline? Why not subscribe to my free monthly e-zine (see below) or invest in yourself by getting my e-book: Feel Your Worth…Know Your Power.
